Has this ever happened to you? You’re feeling bad about something and you don’t want to think about the solution because you kind of already know what that is. So you vent, wishing to just air your dirty laundry and receive a modicum of sympathy…

Suddenly, your post gets dozen notifications full of unasked solutions. You’re distraught enough and you just can’t take it. You hang your head in shame because you didn’t make it clear enough you only wanted to vent. Instead, you got a bunch of Fixers telling you what to do and driving you even deeper into loneliness and isolation.

But, now consider the other side. Your friend cries out in a post and you want to do whatever you can to make it better. A logical brain may consider applying a advice from Wizard’s First Rule: “Think of the solution, not the problem”. And, thinking of that answer you see it the best way to help so you post it in a comment, only to get a dislike emoji by the friend you thought you were helping. You’ve just become a fixer.

To be clear, sometimes people with issues do want solutions. Sometimes folks are looking for advice and would accept it quite willingly. But other times, a rant is just a rant. It’s best if you want a positive result for your lament to be clear what you want.

And in person, read the facial expression. Be open to your partner opening up and get to know when they just want to vent and when they generally want advice. It’s an old trope of the wife gets home and complains about her day, and the husband is just thinking how he can fix his wife’s problems. Show her you’re listening by agreeing and saying how bad things are, but unless she asks for council, don’t give it. She just wants to vent. And, for the record, men sometimes want to vent too, and women sometimes are fixers. It’s not just men who are fixers.

All that said, we’re here to fix your problems if you’ll let us, so have a listen on how you can avoid falling into the trap and not be a Fixer!