The Green Pill Podcast: Don’t Be A Fixer

TimeHorse July 26, 2024 No Comments

Has this ever happened to you? You’re feeling bad about something and you don’t want to think about the solution because you kind of already know what that is. So you vent, wishing to just air your dirty laundry and receive a modicum of sympathy…

Suddenly, your post gets dozen notifications full of unasked solutions. You’re distraught enough and you just can’t take it. You hang your head in shame because you didn’t make it clear enough you only wanted to vent. Instead, you got a bunch of Fixers telling you what to do and driving you even deeper into loneliness and isolation.

But, now consider the other side. Your friend cries out in a post and you want to do whatever you can to make it better. A logical brain may consider applying a advice from Wizard’s First Rule: “Think of the solution, not the problem”. And, thinking of that answer you see it the best way to help so you post it in a comment, only to get a dislike emoji by the friend you thought you were helping. You’ve just become a fixer.

To be clear, sometimes people with issues do want solutions. Sometimes folks are looking for advice and would accept it quite willingly. But other times, a rant is just a rant. It’s best if you want a positive result for your lament to be clear what you want.

And in person, read the facial expression. Be open to your partner opening up and get to know when they just want to vent and when they generally want advice. It’s an old trope of the wife gets home and complains about her day, and the husband is just thinking how he can fix his wife’s problems. Show her you’re listening by agreeing and saying how bad things are, but unless she asks for council, don’t give it. She just wants to vent. And, for the record, men sometimes want to vent too, and women sometimes are fixers. It’s not just men who are fixers.

All that said, we’re here to fix your problems if you’ll let us, so have a listen on how you can avoid falling into the trap and not be a Fixer!

The Green Pill Podcast: Sprinkle Sprinkle, Drizzle Drizzle

TimeHorse July 19, 2024 No Comments

Two weeks ago, we spoke about the problems with Grand Gestures, but we hinted there was more to this story and now we’re able to share with you the root cause of why some folks are expecting nothing less than some grand gesture on a first date.

This goes back to a recent movement you can find, especially, on TikTok. What it comes down to is, if you can’t give her that princess treatment on date 1, can’t be paying her rent and her bills and her car insurance as well as her daily meals, so long brother, she’ll find someone who will.

Of course, many men are aware of this movement and have come up with a large number of parodies. Again, you need look no farther than TikTok to find numerous bros talking about not settling for women who won’t pay their keep and shower them with gifts. For the most part, all these men are just making parody videos to counterpoint the women with their TikTok sprinkle sprinklings. And, let’s be honest, some women on TikTok are doing it ironically too because, on the surface, it is kind of funny!

But, the thing is, it does happen in real life. There are women’s magazines talking about how women deserve no less than the Taylor Swift treatment by her boo Travis Kelce. Ladies who expect those Grand Gestures to show you’re worthy. And, while they are perfectly entitled to want that, you’re perfectly entitled to not tolerate someone who acts entitled to it. It makes him no better than a Success Object.

And, if that term sounds familiar, well, it is, because it’s the flip side of treating women as nothing more than Sex Objects. My sista, I know you don’t want to be reduced to a one-dimensional sex-object. So please, let’s not flatten men to just a single Success Object status.

https://youtu.be/8vw5kHp5vos

The Green Pill Podcast: Friendzone

TimeHorse July 12, 2024 No Comments

Folks, I want to keep this short as this week has been crazy busy and I’m even late posting this update. Can someone clone me so I can have some staff to help out with all I do? After all, I still don’t have any book scheduled for the Science Book Club August meeting! And I need to get back to work as we have deadlines I need to meet!

Anyway, Friendzones are a great option when he or she or they just aren’t into you! I have this one person in my writing group who I’m extremely attracted to because they’re so skilled and clever but that person isn’t interested at all in me romantically so I’ve just decided to be the best friend I can be because Friendship can be forever!

I hope you will enjoy this episode.

The Green Pill Podcast: Grand Gestures

TimeHorse July 5, 2024 6 Comments

If you’re thinking that person you fancy will finally notice you by going to their window and serenading your live like Cyrano de Bergerac, don’t be surprised if you spend the night in the local jail.

This week we’re talking about Grand Gestures. If you learned all your did about romance from the movies of the 1980s by John Hughes, you’ve been led astray. Your perceptions of what constitutes a proper romance should not come from the sped-up narrative of the film narrative. Granted, The Princess Bride constitutes one of the most romantic descriptions of love and dedication, but the epic journeys of Westley and Buttercup work in literature because there are many trials and tribulations which both protagonists go through and the audience is aching for their reunion, with the process being the real narrative. But, life isn’t a movie!

In the real world, people have lives and aren’t being kidnapped by Dread Pirates Robert and getting advice from Miracle Max. In the real world, it takes time to build a relationship. You need to begin slowly; you can’t run before you can walk. It goes back to our advice on Icebreakers. Nothing works better than a simple “Hello”.

Of course, we’re not saying a trip to Paris six-months into a long-term relationship is unwarranted. By all means, if you have and established relationship, please keep having grand adventures together. But, if you’re expecting to be taking on an all-expense paid trip to Austin , TX for the last Solar Eclipse in the United States (outside of the Alaskan North) for the next two decades as a first date, you’re probably barking up the wrong tree. Not saying there won’t be guys who will shell out for that, but who knows what he would be expecting in return, and why risk that. Best for everyone to slow things down, and except that good things come to those who wait.

And definitely don’t go making those grand gestures expecting anything but a legal smackdown. You want them to notice you, just walk up and introduce yourself!

https://youtu.be/RqgHZfS2IKo

The Green Pill Podcast: Bear vs. Bro

TimeHorse June 27, 2024 No Comments

You’ve no doubt heard the hue and cry from women all over the Internet exploding with memes and comments saying without a doubt they’d choose meeting the bear in the woods rather than the bloke.

As gentlemen, we need to hold our hurt back. There is only one thing we can do with respect to women honestly confessing their concerns over strange men, and that is to be an ally, standing up, promising that if we see something, we will say something and we will not let all the things women are afraid of, from that strange man, continue.

After all, that strange man could be a rapist, a molester, a thief, a bully, a violent thug, a leering creep, or almost anything. And the bear, well, that bear doesn’t care about you, or may even be afraid of us 2-leggers with their noisy sticks that they call rifles. Believe me, most bears just want to do bear things and leave us humans alone. Only if you approach it, or get between a momma bear and her cub, will you likely see violence from our furry ursine forest creature.

When you keep all those things in mind, is it any wonder why many women choose the bear?

But, you may ask, did I just say many? Don’t I mean all? No, that’s the fallacy. In truth, many women have experienced misogyny or violence or sexually violence from men. They know in their core that, that man in the forest could be just like her abuser. Survivors certainly understand why the bear is safer. But, for women, they have lived a happier life, with their only male interactions being positive and beneficial. For them, men are safe, and will choose the man, especially if they don’t think the bear is.

My therapist and I had a nice discussion about this, and she agrees that women are valid for choosing bear, but for her, a man is safer because she has had a very good life. And she understands that, it’s no different than when we dismiss race without consideration of their struggle just because we don’t personally do racist things.

Now, if you’re an INCEL, you’re probably reading this and making it about your struggles. Cut that out. I get it, it’s hard when you spend your life working up the courage to ask out a girl, only to be repeatedly rejected, and here the women are saying you’re part of the problem and she’d rather be with a bear than you. I understand why this hurts. I understand why you feel this is just more of the narrative of women stepping on men and treating us as second-class citizens. But we’re not!

And this isn’t about you. We have a whole episode on Loneliness and I suggest you watch that before you go claiming vindication from some bear meme because believe me, you have missed the point if you still feel this way. This is a case of women speaking up and being honest about their struggles with awful men, men like those Red Pill and Black Pill folks who see women as commodities to be bartered and traded. Women are people, and they are suffering. Please listen to them, listen to how scary we men are to them, and join me in fixing that by being better men, hearing women, and understanding why many choose the bear.

And those are the bear necessities!

[NSFW] The Green Pill Podcast: Sex Talk 1

TimeHorse June 20, 2024 No Comments

We begin the summer series with our most titillation episode yet. Here, we remove all boundaries and be honest about our advice about sex. First off, I think it’s important to know that Sex isn’t everything, and there is no shame in being ACE and skipping this one. However, for those who aren’t, intimate physical relations is what this episode is all about, getting down and dirty with the idea of what couples do behind closed doors.

We danced around this topic in our Enthusiastic Consent episode but here we can go into more detail about what we were talking about. For instance, in my numerous experiences with women, I’ve found that cunnilingus is something that many of those folks wanted very badly, but many others have found utterly disgusting. Personally, I enjoy giving this intimate pleasure to my significant other but I would never do it with a partner who didn’t want it. And I can understand why she might not like it. After all, for those who are bothered by the idea, she may feel that that area is one she may be trying to ignore, concerning herself only about making sure it’s clean and she isn’t on her cycle. The last thing these women would want is for you to go down there and see it close up.

What’s more, many lovers are givers and for them taking the pleasure without a way of giving it is a little off putting. I, for one, totally understand this. After all, the I generally feel the same way with my partners. I want to give to her, so getting a blow job (i.e. Fallatio), for me, is a little off-putting because I don’t like to receive pleasure without giving it. And I’m a definite no on Anal. That’s a one-way street for me, especially as there already is another even better orifice a few centimeters up!

And that our point. Some men love Anal or Fallatio and some don’t like it. Some women like cunnalingus and some hate it. You know what the most important thing is, though? Communication. Folks, there’s nothing wrong with wanting something, and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting something. What is problematic is if you don’t tell your partner. You need to feel open enough to tell your partner what you want and feel safe enough that you can tell your partner what you don’t.

And as doing a favor for your partner, and engaging in that thing you don’t really like because your partner does, every once in a while, that’s okay too! And that’s our Sex Talk 1. Until next time!

Be safe my friends and happy Summer!

The Green Pill Podcast: Adult Bullying

TimeHorse June 13, 2024 No Comments

We close our our spring sessions of podcast with a serious topic. Bullying: it doesn’t just end when you grow up.

This is a problem many young women face through ostracized and belittled by so-called peers. Young men may see it as being pushed around or insulted. Either way, it’s painful and even emotionally scarring.

As we get older, though, we come up against cancel-culture. The culture changes and of course what was say was okay long ago may be evil in the modern society. And having to live with that youthful exorbitant that is now rodden be brought back to haunt you is just no way to move on. And don’t get me started on Partner Shaming.

The thing is, we have regrets, we do learn from our mistakes. We don’t necessarily feel the way we did last year, never mind a decade ago. So, cut folks some slack, accept that we may regret our mistakes, and give us the benefit of the doubt. Let the bullying end as we put an end to our Spring season!

The Green Pill Podcast: Pets

TimeHorse June 6, 2024 No Comments

When I was growing up, I had this lovable golden retriever who I called (and was the only one to call him this) Fred. I thought Fred was sweet and adorable though sometimes naughty and mischievous. My aunt also used to have a full-sized Poodle who was so very smart and sweet.

These days, I actually adore the best of both and long to welcome a goldendoodle into into my home—once I get all the bric-a-brac cleaned up and sorted. And, for the record, I love cats too, and birds, and turtles all the way down. I even find skunks adorable!

Whatever your jam, welcome a four-, or two-, or none-legged, or finned friend into your family. You life will be enriched and your outlook will almost certainly improve.

The Green Pill Podcast: Age-Gap Relationships

TimeHorse May 30, 2024 No Comments

This week, we’re talking about Age Gap relationships, with our guest Alex. Alex is my co-host Cat’s long-term partner and we were fortunate enough to get his views with respect to their age-gap relationship, one quite similar to mine. Personally, I’m quite proud of my quarter century relationship with my former partner—who is nearly a decade-and-a-half my senior—and regret none of it, still considering her one of my closest friends.

Age gaps in relationships are nothing new. Often times the half-plus-seven rule is a useful benchmark for what constitutes a positive relationship. For instance, if you’re 22 and considering someone younger, 22 ÷ 2 + 7 = 18. On the other hand, if you’re looking for someone older, this would give (22 – 7) × 2 = 30. Of course, these are just rough numbers but as you get older, the gap widens, growing slower in the minimum and faster in the maximum, so that at 52 you have a minimum of 33 and a maximum of 90!

One other thing it’s worth mentioning is the general sexual curve between men and women has women peaking in their early 30s and men peaking in their late teens. Thus, an age gap of 30-year-old woman with 18-year-old man isn’t just good, it can be a great learning experience for him, and a great appetite satisfying experience for her. But, these are just average numbers, and everyone’s life experience is different so your mileage may vary.

But, for the record, I recognize it isn’t hard as a 20-something man to get a date. I know rejection after rejection after rejection making you desperate and easily making mistakes. I know this will wound you, as it has wounded me, making it harder for me to trust, and harder to notice the signs, positive or negative. Despite it, I am coping with therapy and I must recommend. My young men followers, please know it’s not hopeless, and there are young women out there. You just have to be patient and keep an opened mind like I did, because an older woman may be just your perfect match.

All that said, we’re not here to tell you if you’re outside that half-plus-seven range that you’re doing something wrong. Clearly, if you are with someone younger than 18, who is not yet the age of majority and therefore not clearly able to give consent, never mind enthusiastically, then please consider choosing someone else. But, if you’re both old enough to give consent and not under guardianship, then go knock yourself out! No shame in being in love, and as long as you love responsibility, you’re okay.

The Green Pill Podcast: Red Flags

TimeHorse May 23, 2024 No Comments

When it comes to social relationships and dating, it’s important to set boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with that. While some boundaries are a great way to find the wheat in the chaffe, setting them too tightly will leave you complaining there are no options.

For example, one popular meme is the quest for the perfect 6-6-6-6. That is, being 6-foot tall (183 cm), having 6-pack abs, earning a 6-figure salary, and sporting at least 6 inches of masculinity. Having all these attributes together will mean you’re reducing your options to one in a million or less. Not to mention, such a guy is so flush with options, there’s no way he’s going to see you as the diamond in the rough. He will certainly be swiping left on all but the best women.

On the other hand, any guy who’s introduction mentions or implies sex, or sends a picture of his 6 inches, he’s definitely a creeper to be avoided. Guys, show some respect! If you’re just meeting a woman, be polite, and just say, “Hi.” Don’t try to push physical intimacy before you even get to know one another. Think about how you would feel if your sister or mother received such a message. Just don’t do that! Just say hello.

It’s still okay to have some superficial flags. I recognize that some women will consider my Picard pate a red flag. I’m happy for them to swipe left, as I have no interest in being with someone who can’t see past that, or appreciate the good Captain. Some men may swipe left on a woman who is rubenesque. I certainly am happy to swipe right on such women, but respect the men who swipe left and would tell these women they are better off not having a fat shamer, just as I’m better off not dating a bald-hater.

Also, how someone shows empathy, like how they treat wait staff, is a great red flag. If your date is rude to the server, by all means, end the date. If your date is not respectful of money, feel free to end that too. You have every right to set any red flag you want. Just be careful you don’t have too many or too few, and you’re not shooting yourself in the foot.

https://youtu.be/hp9Df76klao