The Green Pill Podcast: Adult Bullying

We close our our spring sessions of podcast with a serious topic. Bullying: it doesn’t just end when you grow up.

This is a problem many young women face through ostracized and belittled by so-called peers. Young men may see it as being pushed around or insulted. Either way, it’s painful and even emotionally scarring.

As we get older, though, we come up against cancel-culture. The culture changes and of course what was say was okay long ago may be evil in the modern society. And having to live with that youthful exorbitant that is now rodden be brought back to haunt you is just no way to move on. And don’t get me started on Partner Shaming.

The thing is, we have regrets, we do learn from our mistakes. We don’t necessarily feel the way we did last year, never mind a decade ago. So, cut folks some slack, accept that we may regret our mistakes, and give us the benefit of the doubt. Let the bullying end as we put an end to our Spring season!

The Green Pill Podcast: Pets

When I was growing up, I had this lovable golden retriever who I called (and was the only one to call him this) Fred. I thought Fred was sweet and adorable though sometimes naughty and mischievous. My aunt also used to have a full-sized Poodle who was so very smart and sweet.

These days, I actually adore the best of both and long to welcome a goldendoodle into into my home—once I get all the bric-a-brac cleaned up and sorted. And, for the record, I love cats too, and birds, and turtles all the way down. I even find skunks adorable!

Whatever your jam, welcome a four-, or two-, or none-legged, or finned friend into your family. You life will be enriched and your outlook will almost certainly improve.

The Green Pill Podcast: Age-Gap Relationships

This week, we’re talking about Age Gap relationships, with our guest Alex. Alex is my co-host Cat’s long-term partner and we were fortunate enough to get his views with respect to their age-gap relationship, one quite similar to mine. Personally, I’m quite proud of my quarter century relationship with my former partner—who is nearly a decade-and-a-half my senior—and regret none of it, still considering her one of my closest friends.

Age gaps in relationships are nothing new. Often times the half-plus-seven rule is a useful benchmark for what constitutes a positive relationship. For instance, if you’re 22 and considering someone younger, 22 ÷ 2 + 7 = 18. On the other hand, if you’re looking for someone older, this would give (22 – 7) × 2 = 30. Of course, these are just rough numbers but as you get older, the gap widens, growing slower in the minimum and faster in the maximum, so that at 52 you have a minimum of 33 and a maximum of 90!

One other thing it’s worth mentioning is the general sexual curve between men and women has women peaking in their early 30s and men peaking in their late teens. Thus, an age gap of 30-year-old woman with 18-year-old man isn’t just good, it can be a great learning experience for him, and a great appetite satisfying experience for her. But, these are just average numbers, and everyone’s life experience is different so your mileage may vary.

But, for the record, I recognize it isn’t hard as a 20-something man to get a date. I know rejection after rejection after rejection making you desperate and easily making mistakes. I know this will wound you, as it has wounded me, making it harder for me to trust, and harder to notice the signs, positive or negative. Despite it, I am coping with therapy and I must recommend. My young men followers, please know it’s not hopeless, and there are young women out there. You just have to be patient and keep an opened mind like I did, because an older woman may be just your perfect match.

All that said, we’re not here to tell you if you’re outside that half-plus-seven range that you’re doing something wrong. Clearly, if you are with someone younger than 18, who is not yet the age of majority and therefore not clearly able to give consent, never mind enthusiastically, then please consider choosing someone else. But, if you’re both old enough to give consent and not under guardianship, then go knock yourself out! No shame in being in love, and as long as you love responsibility, you’re okay.

The Green Pill Podcast: Red Flags

When it comes to social relationships and dating, it’s important to set boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with that. While some boundaries are a great way to find the wheat in the chaffe, setting them too tightly will leave you complaining there are no options.

For example, one popular meme is the quest for the perfect 6-6-6-6. That is, being 6-foot tall (183 cm), having 6-pack abs, earning a 6-figure salary, and sporting at least 6 inches of masculinity. Having all these attributes together will mean you’re reducing your options to one in a million or less. Not to mention, such a guy is so flush with options, there’s no way he’s going to see you as the diamond in the rough. He will certainly be swiping left on all but the best women.

On the other hand, any guy who’s introduction mentions or implies sex, or sends a picture of his 6 inches, he’s definitely a creeper to be avoided. Guys, show some respect! If you’re just meeting a woman, be polite, and just say, “Hi.” Don’t try to push physical intimacy before you even get to know one another. Think about how you would feel if your sister or mother received such a message. Just don’t do that! Just say hello.

It’s still okay to have some superficial flags. I recognize that some women will consider my Picard pate a red flag. I’m happy for them to swipe left, as I have no interest in being with someone who can’t see past that, or appreciate the good Captain. Some men may swipe left on a woman who is rubenesque. I certainly am happy to swipe right on such women, but respect the men who swipe left and would tell these women they are better off not having a fat shamer, just as I’m better off not dating a bald-hater.

Also, how someone shows empathy, like how they treat wait staff, is a great red flag. If your date is rude to the server, by all means, end the date. If your date is not respectful of money, feel free to end that too. You have every right to set any red flag you want. Just be careful you don’t have too many or too few, and you’re not shooting yourself in the foot.

https://youtu.be/hp9Df76klao

The Green Pill Podcast: Enthusiastic Consent

Throughout my long marriage, one of my biggest issues was feeling unwanted. This is of course strange because I know she wanted me as her husband but the way she showed me that desire was via control and restrictions, not through acts of physical intimacy, which is how many see the pinnacle of romantic appreciation. My point is, I kept waiting for some sign of eagerness, not just simple consent. And when I didn’t see that excitement I just couldn’t see myself getting into it enough to be physically arroused.

For the longest time, I felt this way but never could put it into words. Then I read Dr. Emily Nagoski‘s Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. That’s where I learned the terms Enthusiastic Consent and Sexual Concordance. Enthusiastic Consent is a perfect life’s mantra in almost every situation, and Sexual Concordance is typified by the body being aligned with the mind. By contrast, one example of discord is a woman being intimately moist but not interested in physical intimacy, mentally. In this case, there will be no enthusiasm, nor any consent, and so that external manifestation is most emphatically not an invitation. Dr. Nagoski doesn’t talk much about male Sexual Concordance in that book but for men, clearly discord is something which happens, be it for young men, who engorge despite the situation not calling for it, or older men, who are really happy to be there, but are unable to stiffen.

While we skirt around the specifics of intimate enthusiastic consent in this episode, in an upcoming episode, Sex Talk 1, we will go into more detail. In the meantime, please enjoy my friend Cat hosting this wonderfully informative discussion.

The Green Pill Podcast: Icebreaker

One of the hardest things for us to do in life is put ourselves out there and break the proverbial ice. So important is that first step of walking before running that Toastmasters even defines it as the first speech you’re asked to give.

I know it’s awkward to just walk up to someone and try to think of something clever to say. And believe me, it takes practice. I mean, to just go up to someone, especially someone you fancy, and get your foot in the door, so to speak, with all the anxiety and self-doubt you may be feeling? It’s not easy.

But, believe me, they’re probably just as nervous, just as awkward. And it’s not about tricking them to like you like some black-pill gigolo who could care less. Quite the contrary, you will have your best success if you just show sincerity and deliver it with a smile. And accept rejection because there’s always someone else and not every connection is meant to be.

I was at a party recently and made a bunch of new friends by just smiling, listening, and joined in the conversations. Even met a lovely fellow Tesla drive with a moon in her hair who I hope to meet again. And I did that all despite the inner demons of self-loathing whispering in the background.

Finally, not to be trite but sometimes all you have to do is say “Hi”.

A tail of Toastmasters in Three thrilling fails

I have slowly been churning through my Persuasive Influencer program with Loudoun Toastmasters. As a toastmaster, I feel I have improved my organization and ability to speak while crafting an engaging yarn. That said, we can all learn from our foibles and in this case my last three speeches did indeed have their kinks and chances to grow from.

Electric Car Advocacy — 2023-10-05

I gave this speech as a companion to my livestream with Fairfax County, on Car Tax Payment Day, which you can watch here. I gave this speech only minutes after the presentation and as an advocacy speech to towards my Level 3 proficiency. The problem was, even though I was home and at my own computer, I didn’t have time to set up the presentation correctly and had to rush through some slides because I ran out of my 5–7 allotted time. What’s more, I didn’t set the zoom share properly so my Presentation was showing presenter view to the audience, not the presentation itself.

What I learned was that I needed to take more time to prepare my materials and make sure they were ready and that I wasn’t so hasty to set up my display. Needless to say, this was a pretty poorly performing speech that day.

Film the Eclipse with an iPhone — 2024-03-24

I first gave this at the Westminster Astronomical Society March meeting, on Wednesday, 13 March. That speech went great because I brought my own computer and it played the videos over zoom perfectly. I had it on a table in front of the audience and it was projected on the screen as well. It was a smashing success right after the main presentation. I was looking forward to giving the same speech in Toastmasters to finish out my Level 3.

Eleven days later, I addressed my toastmasters with the same speech. However, the embedded videos didn’t play when the zoom host brought up those slides. I was mortified. This time, the slide deck was shared correctly but the video content just wouldn’t play. As such, I failed again, learning that embedded content is hard to manage so keep my presentations simpler. But, what was worst of all was that the timer flashed a card at me, making me thing I was running out of time, so I rushed through to the end only to find out that I was just one second shy of 5 minutes as he flashed the green card at me. I learned then and there to not trust the timer and make sure I kept my own time.

Of course, this was just before my eclipse trip to Austin, so I was also worried about packing and getting ready for that.

The Green Pill Podcast — 2024-05-02

This speech was near and dear to me. When I saw the Create a Podcast project for the Level 4 elective speeches, I knew it was a perfect fit. I had been working on my episodes, with the last of the Spring series and first of the Summer in the can and waiting for release on YouTube, I already had 60 minutes of footage from the first 6 episodes publicly released on the platform, enough to qualify to give the corresponding speech.

Part of the speech requirements is to share a clip of your podcast. I decided rather than taking one of the existing episodes, I’d give a preview of the first Summer episode I’d just finished editing. In summer, I’m hoping to go to a more 2-camera like approach with editing for the episodes. You’ll see what I mean on 20 June, at the Solstice. In any case, I selected a clip from that episode where I reiterate some issues from our upcoming Enthusiastic Consent episode. I sent the video clip to the zoom host and reduced my speech by a minute to allow time for the clip. I also made sure to put my phone on the podium to time myself and make sure I transitioned to the clip with enough time to spare.

Unfortunately, the zoom host didn’t prepare for my clip. He thought he was supposed to play something from the existing YouTube content, but I edited a short, low-sized clip specifically for this episode. I wanted him to play that. It took nearly 2 minutes for him to load up the clip and in the end he never even shared it with Zoom properly. Another failure and poor performance on my part as I shouldn’t trust others to do what needs to be done. I should have brought my own computer and had it play the clip to Zoom.

Conclusion

When it comes to crafting a great speech, you can leave nothing to chance, friends. Watch for your contingencies and leave nothing to chance. Then maybe you can get that best speech ribbon.

My TeeVee Died

As if the stressed of my intense week back from Austin, with clambering for sleep being bad enough, I came home after a second 11+ hour day at work to the canary screen of death!

Needless to say, I’m distraught. I’m still reimbursing my savings from my trip to Austin and still trying to pay myself back for my MacBook Pro, which I used to edit the Green Pill Podcast, and a new iPhone and iPad, which I used to film the eclipse. And 2024 was the year I was finally going to replace my stolen Shure SE846 earphones.

Not to mention, I’m looking to move to the more expensive apartment down the street in the next 4–14 months. The sooner the move the better after my current apartment overcharged me $100 for two parking spaces when I only have 1 car! Not to mention the $80 I just paid to be told by the repairman he couldn’t fix id.

But, most tragic for me is that I won’t be able to watch the new series of Doctor Who on my television set. I’ll be restricted to my wide-monitor and the Disney+ app. I had to watch Doctor Who: The Savages, Part 3 on DailyMotion last night on my computer.

Folks, I’m just, still exhausted from another marathon day at work and I still haven’t had time to write my speech for tomorrow’s ToastMasters meeting and now I’m running late for me EVA/DC Board Meeting. So, without a television to lay eyes upon, toodloo!

The Green Pill Podcast: Ghosting

In the old days, when you didn’t want to speak to someone, you just didn’t answer their calls and turned off your porch light. But today, we have so many ways to go about connecting, be it texting, or social networks, or even on blogs like this or via the comment section of our YouTube channel. As such, there are numerous ways to be ghosted, blocked, and ignored.

Ghosting hurts. It’s so dissatisfying when it’s from someone you’ve been in a romantic relationship with, like I discussed with EP. But it cuts to the bone when it’s your best friend! Of course, in those cases I do hold some blame with myself (Ironically, NextDoor actually deleted and blocked my post about that episode.), but, by the same token, it shows a lack of emotional maturity to simply block someone rather than having the courage to stand up, hash things out, and agree to part ways amicably, as I did with my ex-girlfriend.

I could have just ghosted here when I realized things weren’t working out, but we had had a meaningful, 6-month relationship and I cared about her—I still care about her—and I felt she deserved more than a text, or a phone call, but that she deserved to see me in person, hear me explain why it wasn’t working, and reach out as a friend if she wanted to as I still did and still do consider her a dear friend.

And that’s how it’s done folks. Show some common decency and cut out the ghosting. You’ll be a better person for it!

The Green Pill Podcast: Ghosting

The Green Pill Podcast: Cleanliness

This is one topic I hold quite dear as someone who constantly worries about the way I smell. I used to be a quite ripe individual and I’m very not proud of that. I even used to use cologne, which I’m very ashamed of because many people are allergic to cologne and perfume more so than even natural human oders. That’s why I try to make sure to shower regularly and keep my teeth healthy and clean.

I’ve had dental problems from no doing enough for my teeth. The dentist actually found nine potential bacterial strains in a recent test. I typically see my dentist thrice a year to make sure my teeth and gums are as healthy and clean as they can be. Dental hygiene is just as critical has washing up, because nothing is more off-putting than talking to someone with bad breath.

As for keeping clean, as I have posted before, I was in Texas for the 2024 solar eclipse. It’s a long drive to and from Austin, where I was halfway between my home and Los Angeles, but the 18–19 hours of day one driving from 04:00 to 22:00, to satisfy the Tesla Insurance gods, then another 10–11 hours of driving leaves #NoSO2TeslaP三D and myself rather dirty. A round trip of about 2,500 mi (about 4,000 km), all on Full Self-Driving (Supervised) version 12.

I got a couple car washes in Texas, one of which was the park and let the washer mover around you type, which did okay but the pollen then dirtied the vehicle again, so I had to wash it again. And when I got back from sleeping in the car at a Buc-ee’s, both of us needed a wash badly. I was able to take my ride to my usual place, but the shower had to wait until after the Science Book Club meeting, alas. But oh, did that shower finally feel so very, very good, and clean, fresh clothes the next morning!

So, take a shower and brush those teeth gentle readers and be refreshed and ready to make new friends and meet people, the green pill way.