No matter how you pronounce it, Hegemony, or more specifically Hegemonic Masculinity, is the idea that the man and the woman have specific gendered roles when it comes to dating. In and of itself, that seems rather innocuous, but problems occur when taken to extremes. One example of an extreme is a guy telling his girlfriend she can’t have any male friends. Don’t do that!
Another things is when you say she can’t use Instagram to share photos of herself. Don’t do that! While I have my concerns about Chasing Likes, it’s not your business what she chooses to share. Of course, you can be concerned if she’s sharing private messages with another bloke which are emotionally inappropriate or too sexy for simple friendship, then I do have every right to be at least concerned.
And of course, you need to give her the freedom to see and spend time with who she wants. Have a little trust and don’t spy using whatever tools exist for that (I won’t repeat them here for safety’s sake). Don’t do that!
On the other hand, what about money? One interesting statistic is that because more girls go to college than boys, the average salary for a single woman in her twenties is actually a fraction of a percent higher than the boys in her age group. Nonetheless, a man should be ready to pay for the first, second, third, and a number of their initial dates. It’s on him to select the venue, and he shouldn’t select a venue he can’t afford to show a date a good time. Of course, she might want to Go Dutch. While she has every right to do so on a first date, this is in some ways insulting to the man, who expected he would pay. It implies the woman didn’t have a nice time and won’t be interested in a second date. Of course, she might still be, but he might not even bother to ask because he’s already feeling slighted. Try not to do that.
Now, paying for a meal or two, or a movie, or the amusement park, that’s all well and good. But, the problems occur when you take that too the extreme. A woman could, for instance, be into Findom. While she has every right to see men as a wallet she has total control over—and, let’s face it, some men do like this—for most men, this is going way too far with the Hegemonic relationship. Don’t do that!
And of course, there’s the extreme, money for intimacy. It’s typically illegal to solicit for sex almost everywhere (unless you go Dutch). But, it does exist and even a quid pro quo of a monetary gift in return to intimate access can be considered against the law when there’s actual physical contact. Or, you may see personal ads, asking for roses. Or, you might be charging your Tesla, late at night, and be approached by a woman asking for money. Be strong, and keep your money in your wallet guys. Don’t do that!
In the end, all it comes down to is being a gentleman, and accepting your responsibility to make her feel safe and secure with you, and avoid any extremes, just don’t do that!
But do check out this week’s episode!