Tag: Cat Smith

The Green Pill Podcast: Mind Reading

TimeHorse August 17, 2024 No Comments

No, this episode won’t be teaching you how to do prestidigitation or cold reading. Well, at least, not exactly. I mean, yes, you can look at someone’s eyes, where they’re looking, or how they touch their face as tells for potential fabrication if not outright lying, but this isn’t about that. This is about the poor assumption whereby one person says nothing and expect you to know what they’re thinking, or maybe says one thing because they’re afraid to say the real truth.

The thing is, if something’s bothering you, the best way to correct that situation is not to bottle it up and hope the problem will fix itself. If you consider someone a friend, or, especially, a romantic partner, why wouldn’t you assume he or she could take the criticism. If that person cares about you, the sooner you try to correct behaviour you don’t approve of, the sooner it will either stop, or you just know someone who isn’t a true friend.

I see this a lot with couples. The old cliché goes, one partner says everything is alright, and the other takes that at face value. Think about how much quicker you could get a shoulder to cry on, or an ear for venting if you just spoke up and stated your real concerns? I can’t state it more clearly, if you’re worried how someone will react, maybe it’s indicative of something more fundamental. After all, we can have friends who we don’t consider close. If you don’t trust someone to have your back, maybe it’s time for a reevaluation.

I remember I had this amazing Author friend who write and published recently a really amazing book. We were both in the throws of divorce considerations and we bonded over that. But then I started acting in ways which bothered her, and I wasn’t even aware until it was too late. Had I known I was being too rude, I would have instantly changed my behavior. But, because she didn’t tell me what I was doing was bothering her, we just stopped being friends altogether. I’m sorry to lose such a great friend but I wish her well and am so proud of her success as a published author.

Now, will Cat and I someday be as successful as YouTube broadcasters… or will you have to start reading our minds because this could be our very last episode…

The Green Pill Podcast: Age-Gap Relationships

TimeHorse May 30, 2024 No Comments

This week, we’re talking about Age Gap relationships, with our guest Alex. Alex is my co-host Cat‘s long-term partner and we were fortunate enough to get his views with respect to their age-gap relationship, one quite similar to mine. Personally, I’m quite proud of my quarter century relationship with my former partner—who is nearly a decade-and-a-half my senior—and regret none of it, still considering her one of my closest friends.

Age gaps in relationships are nothing new. Often times the half-plus-seven rule is a useful benchmark for what constitutes a positive relationship. For instance, if you’re 22 and considering someone younger, 22 ÷ 2 + 7 = 18. On the other hand, if you’re looking for someone older, this would give (22 – 7) × 2 = 30. Of course, these are just rough numbers but as you get older, the gap widens, growing slower in the minimum and faster in the maximum, so that at 52 you have a minimum of 33 and a maximum of 90!

One other thing it’s worth mentioning is the general sexual curve between men and women has women peaking in their early 30s and men peaking in their late teens. Thus, an age gap of 30-year-old woman with 18-year-old man isn’t just good, it can be a great learning experience for him, and a great appetite satisfying experience for her. But, these are just average numbers, and everyone’s life experience is different so your mileage may vary.

But, for the record, I recognize it isn’t hard as a 20-something man to get a date. I know rejection after rejection after rejection making you desperate and easily making mistakes. I know this will wound you, as it has wounded me, making it harder for me to trust, and harder to notice the signs, positive or negative. Despite it, I am coping with therapy and I must recommend. My young men followers, please know it’s not hopeless, and there are young women out there. You just have to be patient and keep an opened mind like I did, because an older woman may be just your perfect match.

All that said, we’re not here to tell you if you’re outside that half-plus-seven range that you’re doing something wrong. Clearly, if you are with someone younger than 18, who is not yet the age of majority and therefore not clearly able to give consent, never mind enthusiastically, then please consider choosing someone else. But, if you’re both old enough to give consent and not under guardianship, then go knock yourself out! No shame in being in love, and as long as you love responsibility, you’re okay.

The Green Pill Podcast: Enthusiastic Consent

TimeHorse May 16, 2024 1 Comment

Throughout my long marriage, one of my biggest issues was feeling unwanted. This is of course strange because I know she wanted me as her husband but the way she showed me that desire was via control and restrictions, not through acts of physical intimacy, which is how many see the pinnacle of romantic appreciation. My point is, I kept waiting for some sign of eagerness, not just simple consent. And when I didn’t see that excitement I just couldn’t see myself getting into it enough to be physically arroused.

For the longest time, I felt this way but never could put it into words. Then I read Dr. Emily Nagoski‘s Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. That’s where I learned the terms Enthusiastic Consent and Sexual Concordance. Enthusiastic Consent is a perfect life’s mantra in almost every situation, and Sexual Concordance is typified by the body being aligned with the mind. By contrast, one example of discord is a woman being intimately moist but not interested in physical intimacy, mentally. In this case, there will be no enthusiasm, nor any consent, and so that external manifestation is most emphatically not an invitation. Dr. Nagoski doesn’t talk much about male Sexual Concordance in that book but for men, clearly discord is something which happens, be it for young men, who engorge despite the situation not calling for it, or older men, who are really happy to be there, but are unable to stiffen.

While we skirt around the specifics of intimate enthusiastic consent in this episode, in an upcoming episode, Sex Talk 1, we will go into more detail. In the meantime, please enjoy my friend Cat hosting this wonderfully informative discussion.

The Green Pill Podcast: Finding Your Tribe

TimeHorse April 17, 2024 No Comments

Those who know about me know that I have many, many interests. Indeed, that’s why I have so many different categories on this blog, where I focus on one, particular tribe I feel a close part of.

A couple of those tribes I share with my co-host Cat Smith, one being our shared love of just jamming on our instruments, but also we became acquainted because of Doctor Who fandom. We met at the convention which shall not be named and became good friends over our shared passions.

My regular readers no doubt remember, I’m rewatching the entire series—at the time of this episode’s premier, I’m watching William Hartnell‘s The Ark part 2, The Plague. (Yeah, plague, haven’t we had enough of that—predicting SARS-CoV-13, I think I called it on last watch).

All that said, Cat and I decided to show some of our other passions in this one. Cat is a fan of Avatar: The Last Airbender, a wonderful show about a young warrior learning of his amazing powers, though that certainly doesn’t do this engaging tale justice.

Meanwhile, lacking proper wig tape, I attempted to cosplay Greg Universe, Steven’s dad from Steven Universe. I quite enjoyed this series and was lucky enough some years ago to meet the creator, Rebecca Sugar where I got this cherished selfie at the Small Press Expo in Bethesda. Unfortunately, as you can see in the video, my unsecured wig kept slipping, so I kept having to readjust it.

Please enjoy our latest episode and please tell us about your tribes!