In our podcast we often talk about issues around dating. This is mainly because we expect our audience to be still rather youthful and still finding themselves out and we want to be here to help you guys do that. But, life isn’t just about body counts and statistics. Indeed, there’s nothing more fulfilling, more oxytocin inducing than a long-term relationship. Even intimate relationships are improved when you know your partner like the back of your hand.
Long-Term relationships come in many forms. The most common and well-known form is of course marriage, be it between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, or a man and a man. I, personally was happily married for 18 years and the marriage only ended when SARS-CoV-2 struck and all that time together caused us to move apart. I still consider my ex to be one of my best friends though, and neither of us hold animosity toward the other for desolving the union. I consider myself quite fortunate in that respect.
But, the thing is, what I have with my ex is still a long-term relationship, it’s just one of the more powerful connecter of friendship. Long-Term friendships are the best and being able to have those conversations without speaking can be a quite deep conversation.
If, however, you’re both interested in something more than friendship, but not yet ready for marriage, there are still institutions and protocols which can bind two—or more (always with ENM!)—people in a loving, Long-Term relationship. Whether it be living together, civil union, common-law marriage, or just a casual, 6-month relationship, having the longevity brings stability, understanding, and peace. There is, after all, nothing wrong with aspiring to be or be with a Tradwife.
That said, be mindful of your own self-worth. There are people out there who will use and abuse you, and not all long-term relationships are healthy. If you’re being physically and/or emotionally abused, there are people out there who can help you restore to you some common human dignity.
Nonetheless, despite the risks, long-term relationships are worth it, and every second with your partner(s) is all that much better with someone to share! So, why not share in the discussion?
It used to be you’d just gossip among friends and while some circles would try to be positive, others wanted to vent and venting would sometimes lead to realization that it’s time to get out and sista be helping. But most of the time, it was self-deprecating aggrandising of the other in your tight-knit circle that was only y’all and not for anyone else to see.
Then, SARS-CoV-2 came and changed everything and we all went online. No more could we see our girlfriends to discuss our private concerns. We went public and started the epidemic of Partner Shaming, especially on TikTok, and it has never been more rampant in this day and age. The tight-knit group has become the a window into our private lives through the 6-inch (20 cm) screen. We are becoming addicted to likes on social media and seeking digital clout to the point where what was once considered embarrassing is now considered the way to get the most views. And there’s nothing more embarrassing than insulting your supposed loved one by pointing out their flaws and using weaponized incompetence. Chasing likes is just not a healthy way of living.
Worst of all, what if your shamed partner actually finds out about your insulting videos? Videos where you have dozens if not hundreds of likes and comments telling you to leave the bastard. What happens then? Do you think your partner will wise up and be better, or will they feel hurt and even start considering the advice of your followers, and file for divorce. Will you end up having to make a mea culpa episode where you try to take it all back to save your marriage? Sista, don’t make that mistake because your followers won’t be switching side so easily and may still be wishing you to end that relationship. And woe be you if you listen to them.
Folks, just don’t partner shame unless you want to get out of a bad relationship. I know that for me, when I aired my dirty laundry it was not cool. It made people say I should end my relationship. But, in the end I did end it, but I did so not because I hated my ex, but because I love her like a dear friend, and I knew that being just friends was the best for us.
Those who know about me know that I have many, many interests. Indeed, that’s why I have so many different categories on this blog, where I focus on one, particular tribe I feel a close part of.
A couple of those tribes I share with my co-host Cat Smith, one being our shared love of just jamming on our instruments, but also we became acquainted because of Doctor Who fandom. We met at the convention which shall not be named and became good friends over our shared passions.
All that said, Cat and I decided to show some of our other passions in this one. Cat is a fan of Avatar: The Last Airbender, a wonderful show about a young warrior learning of his amazing powers, though that certainly doesn’t do this engaging tale justice.
Meanwhile, lacking proper wig tape, I attempted to cosplay Greg Universe, Steven’s dad from Steven Universe. I quite enjoyed this series and was lucky enough some years ago to meet the creator, Rebecca Sugar where I got this cherished selfie at the Small Press Expo in Bethesda. Unfortunately, as you can see in the video, my unsecured wig kept slipping, so I kept having to readjust it.
Please enjoy our latest episode and please tell us about your tribes!
This episode hits a little bit close to home. There are many things in my life that I regret, and most of them I can only blame myself, for sometimes AITA, am I the Asshole, yes.
For instance, there are two gentlemen I admire, look up to, and wish to emulate, both of who shown too bright and no longer consider me a friend. And, in both cases, it was because I was the Asshole.
A.K.
I’d known A.K. since college and always admired his intelligence, maturity, and thoughtful Canadian who I very much enjoyed talking to and doing things like discussing MST3K, watching RiffTrax together, and coding Python sprints. However, as my marriage started to dissolve, and after a brutal 2021 where I lost so much, continuing to hurt, I was finally starting to see the light as I was stressing over the planning for my half-century birthday bash, when all hell broke loose like a erupting volcano! The week before the festivities, the Supreme Court cast the perhaps worst ruling since Plessy v. Ferguson and Buck v. Bell when the corrupt court decided Dobbs v. Jackson. Of course, as an ERA warrior, I was dismayed, but as a new bachelor, I was apoplectic! Here I was, coming out of a marriage where I didn’t have any access to the one thing that monogamous relations restrict to the relations, I was terrified, incorrectly, I was about to be a bachelor entering a world where physical intimacy was impossible. Unfortunately, I said some things publicly which were reprehensible following the ruling and thus I Self-Sabotaged. A.K. blocked me on social networks and greenpdidn’t come to my party and since then he refuses to even hang out with me apart from allowing me to attend his Maryland Science Book Club. Yes, I was the 100% asshole.
D.B. and L.B.
Then there was time I was ready to start my Bachelorship and looking forward to spend more time with D.B. and L.B. Unfortunately, L.B., who I still care about deeply, got very sick from a nasty chronic condition, the same condition my late Aunt used to suffer from, so it became increasingly impossible to spend time with her. It got to the point that unless it was a very good day, she couldn’t even leave the home she shared with D.B.
L.B. and I were really good friends—we even talked about divorcing at the same time (unfortunately, it took me much longer to realize I needed to go). But, the thing is, it was her boyfriend D.B. who I really admired and wished to emulate. D.B. started a Dungeons & Dragonsgame before the pandemic and was kind enough to invite me to join. I was thrilled to be a part of the campaign and really enjoyed having him as dungeon master. But, L.B. got sick, and then the pandemic came, and we could no longer play D&D except over Zoom. I missed the personal interactions but I accepted the pragmatic limitations.
The thing is, D.B. and L.B. lived about an hour drive away, so whenever I was going to be close to where they were, I would send them a message asking if they were up to meeting. I didn’t think at the time that L.B. may not be up to meeting and was just sad at the repeated refusals. And so, I became an Asshole. I misinterpreted the refusals D.B. saying he and L.B. didn’t want to hang around with me, and said so, and after that I was blocked by D.B. and kicked out of his D&D game.
That loss caused me to truly hit an all-time low, confused about how I could have done so wrong, and finally forced myself to find a new therapist, since my old one was no longer covered by my insurance. In many ways, I think my mind reeling and making bad assumptions is very typical of an ADHD brain, and as that was the best explanation for why we were no longer friends, I posted a video trying to explain how I tend to self-sabotage, thinking I have friends I don’t deserve, and saying and doing things that fulfill my inner demon’s predictions where I will ultimately always say the wrong thing. Of course, me being an asshole, I didn’t realise the video should be interpreted as someone whining about being hurt by rejection when I only saw it as apologizing for overreacting to rejection. I tagged L.B. on social media and she interpreted it in the former way and began crying profusely while I was at work in the SCIF. It was so bad that my hero D.B. unblocked me just to tell me I did this to L.B. I was mortified and knew I could not say anything to defend myself, that anything I would say would make it worse, and I had to return to the SCIF. And, I had to be an asshole.
E.P.
After I started living on my own, I started dating a friend of mine I met through Bumble‘s BFF feature. E.P. and I got along great and when she suggested we become more than just friends, I ended my relationship at the time and started dating her. We had some awesome experiences together and I even cooked her Lobster on her birthday. But, as the summer drifted into autumn, we started to see less of one another. Then, last November, I had tickets to one of Taylor Tomlinson‘s last two shows on her Have It All tour. I got the ticket months earlier, constantly refreshing the app to get them as soon as they opened, while sitting in the parking lot of my work since I didn’t want to be in the SCIF when I made the purchase. As the day loomed neerer, I went out with a greedy woman who clearly wanted to just get the ticket out of me, and my friend L.S., who I really wanted to go with, was part of a press conference in New York, so she couldn’t make it. So, I ended up inviting E.P. I found out later L.S.’s conference was cancelled, but by then it was too late, as I’d already invited E.P.
E.P. and I had fun, and she got me a nice gift, making me want to return the favour. We weren’t intimate that time, though we had been before, mainly because I didn’t want her to think I was quid pro quo with her. I remember her mentioning she liked some special socks and wanted some special tea so I went and got some inadvertently crappy socks and really nice tea from Ireland. I tried and tried to meet up with her again, but things kept coming up. Finally, we set a date where we could meet for two hours. In the runup to our date, she texted me that her husband—yes, she was married, but she told me she was ENM and I’d have ended it otherwise—said she couldn’t go out. I, of course, being the asshole that I am, misinterpreted this and the husband saying she couldn’t go out that Thursday, and assumed we were still meeting that weekend. So I texted her a few times over the weekend, asking when she was going to get here, and accepting she might not make it. She never replied because of course she had told me she wasn’t going to make it. My overthinking mind misinterpret things and she blocked me. The asshole strikes again.
L.S.
Back in January, L.S., who I am quite attracted to romantically, invited me to a play to raise money for the homeless. I was excited to go and wanted to sit with her. I got their early and scanned the audience, but didn’t spot her. I looked and looks but L.S. was nowhere to be seen. So I found a seat in the third row, right and began to enjoy the performance of Annie. Midway through the third act, one of the actors escorted in a woman—L.S. I didn’t know at the time that he was one of the performers but I decided if L.S. had company, I wasn’t going to disturb her. So, at intermission, I ignored her. I intentionally kept to myself, reading the playbill. Like an asshole. I met her after the play and we did have a nice chat and she seemed to want to continue chatting but I had to get home before my Safety Score went up for driving after 22:00, raising my Insurance. And so I said goodnight, and left as the asshole I was.
AITA?
Actually, it’s complicated. In those situations, yes, I was an asshole. But am I an asshole? No! Most assuredly not. I admit I make mistakes because to see our own mistakes is the only way we can learn from them. So, I accept my poor behavior as being poor, but I’m the better man for it, for I learn from my self-sabotage and I do things differently. And that’s the point. Sometimes you can’t avoid being the asshole—but, unless you learn from it, you’re going to be the asshole again.
All this and more is covered in our episode on Self-Sabatoge.
In one month, I will be celebrating my half-century of existence. What’s more, I will, for the first time in a quarter century, single. After much hemming and hawing over my continued love for the woman who was my wife, with the frustration over so many things I can’t discuss, the coup de gras being things like Nowhere to run? and Sheltered in Place with a Domestic Abuser? and incessant unnecessary forced to sanitize when we really should just Relax—you actually don’t need to sanitize your food!
The thing is, these days I need to physically leave my premises 3 days a week because I’m required in the office. I’m typically the only one wearing a mask there because I do believe in being cautious—especially since the recent SARS-CoV-2 outbreak. It’s not like I’m endangering myself when I go to a writing group or an electric car event. I use due caution every time I’m out, typically 5 days a week. I’ve even tested negative, and triple vaccinated!
You’d think that’d be enough, but nope. Every time I return to the house, I have to do the four S‘s. I’m effectively forced to Surrender all of my items—iPhone, Apple Watch, wallet, even my glasses and wait for them to be Sanitized! Then I need to Strip to my underwear because my clothes “must be contaminated”. Finally, I’m supposed to Shower, but and only when I come home, never in the morning or before I go out.
I put up with a lot for all these years, from a profound lack of physical intimacy to constant threats of divorce whenever she was cross with me. I put up with it for all these years because I truly believed she was the best woman I could ever hope to be with. The truth is, she may still be the best, but with all I have to deal with, I would quite frankly rather be alone—though I’m not dead yet, so we’ll see what the future holds.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s taking me so long to move to my new apartment, especially since I’ve been paying rent since 30 January. Well, for the last 11 years, I have been enjoying extremely inexpensive charging at my house on the Dominion Schedule EV with my Clipper Creek CS-100. But, when I got #CO2Fre, my first Tesla #P三D, it came with free, unlimited SuperCharging. The plan was, I could take advantage of the free fuel, move to an apartment, and just charge up the vehicle on my way to work at the Sterling Supercharger.
But then, while coming back from a Star Wars cosplay event, where I was cosplaying Grand Moff Tarkin, running late for a barbeque with my brother, I found myself on the most evil road in all of Fairfax County. Braddock Road is mostly a straight road, but it makes this one incongruous bend which is the bane of all my existence. I had just paid off #CO2Fre 24 days earlier, when, on 25 July 2021, the same year I watched my mother die and attended my dear Aunt’s funeral, the greatest car I’ll ever own, and my ticket out of here was totaled. I was taken to the hospital and, because of the airbag deployment, I was even left in a cast—which you can see on my TikTok. To top it all off, my uncle died on 31 December 2021 to cap off an utterly tragic year.
GEICO and Tesla refused to fix it. I lost my ride, my free fuel, and my free celular entertainment system, the later a $99 per year value. Supercharging I can’t even begin to estimate, because I wasn’t using it during the Pandemic, and I knew I would need it when I moved to an apartment.
As it was, I did find an apartment with EV Charging. However, if you don’t move your car within 4 hours, you will be charged an arm and a leg, meaning you’d have to get home, and set an alarm to remind you to go back down and move your car. What’s more, while charging under Schedule EV costs me about 7.5¢ per kWh, the apartment costs 15¢ per kWh, double the price. And, if I wanted to use the Supercharger, it would cost 30¢ per kWh, four times what I’m used to paying. And that cost is constantly increasing!
People seriously lambasted me on social networks when I lost #CO2Fre. Of course, it’s just a car, but my whole plan went up in ashes with that loss, and here I am, 123 days with an empty apartment, stuck with the quadruple S‘s, because I just want keep saving on fuel. That’s why I was so sad when I lost my ride, because I knew life would be more expensive and I would end up staying longer than I needed. I wish folks could have understood—I had to take whole 2 month hiatus from social networks to avoid the vitriol.
However, here we are, today. I now have #NoSO2TeslaP三D, I pay for Supercharging and Premium Connectivity, but I got rid of GEICO, who grossly undervalued my precious ride, and now am insured by Tesla, constantly trying to improve my Safety Score to lower my insurance rate, as well as finally qualify to beta test my $14,000 investment in the Full Self-Driving Beta. And my wife is working with my to get the divorce finalized as soon as possible as a final birthday present to me.
And you know what? Imma have a party! A party to celebrate a half-century of existence, a party to celebrate my divorce and freeness, a part to play board games and sing karaoke and cosplay at your leisure, to grill with my brother and have pizza aplenty with plenty of vegetarian and other dietary options as requested. And unlike Jeffrey’s Jammin Birthday Bash 2 years ago, this party will be in person, on the third floor and community space of my new apartment in Reston Town Center. I’m hoping maybe even the Metro will open by then, but then, I’ll be lucky to just have you show up.
Get your free tickets here! Please remember to RSVP so I can let the concierge know you’re coming.
I did a science. Back on 11 March, I told you about the virus that now is ubiquitous in our modern consciousness. We had the genome of the Virus sequenced as soon as January and I was already speculating that the vaccine would be faster than any vaccine ever in history because of it.
The interesting thing I didn’t expect is for someone to go from matching a viral protein in the B-cells and T-cells. I never expected we could develop a vaccine that is purely the Messenger RNA (mRNA). Why I’m not clear how you could get such a vaccine into the cellular production machinery, it’s clear if you can, that you can have your own body’s cells produce the protein markers that your immonolocal system can match. Of course, the other potential issue is, if you do have one of your cells producing this viral protein then what’s to stop your immune system from targeting it?
Dr. Joe Hanson explains how one SARS-CoV-2 vaccine was created.
2020 has indeed been quite an unexpected year. When I first created Project Kronosphere, back in 1999, I set it in 2010, which was still a ways off. When we started to approach 2010, I moved it to 2020. Now that it’s 2020, I’m kind of happy I didn’t set it then. There is no way I could have predicted the life-changing events of this year. But, I was able to predict the expedited vaccine development, which makes me quite happy and hopeful. And Project Kronosphere is now set in 2030 and features a 67 year old Professor Rebecca Priestley. And though I have some screenplays in the Project Kronosphere Universe, I am about to start its novelization…
Project Kronosphere was always intended to be an education drama, and like the Professor, I hope you have learned something from this post here. Make good science, my friends!
I bought my current iPhone on 30 September 2013—over 7 years ago. My iPhone 5S has served me well throughout the years but for the last fourteen months or so, I have been chafing over the inability to upgrade my phone to the latest Operating System. I knew then that, despite preferring the finger login, it was time for an upgrade or the massive, up-front cost.
However, I wasn’t ready just yet. Then SARS-CoV-2 happened, I had to quit my job for more money. Then COVIDWISE was released, and yet totally incompatible with my phone! This wan’t even the first app I was unable to download requiring Bluetooth Low Energy (BLE) technology. I was becoming more and more distressed over my inability to install the apps I so desperately wanted—even more so having forgotten some of them with no way to bookmark or remember. And, as an App Developer, I really should have the latest gear to test out the latest technologies.
iPhone 12 Pro Max ½TB, Blue
On 10 July, with my final vacation payout, I decided it was time to upgrade. I knew a new Phone was coming soon—and hoped it would add 5G support. I waited. The September Apple event came with no update. The October Apple event came with an announcement but you still couldn’t buy the iPhone 12 Pro. The date on the order page said I had to wait until 23 October for that. So I waited so more. I got up early on that Friday and, yes, the iPhone 12 Pro was available, but not the 12 Pro Max! I had to wait until 6 November for that!
And I did.
The phone is on its way. 36 hours and counting…
iPhone 12 Pro Max in Transit
Keep coding my friends and write great software. I hope you will be as gainfully employed as me, soon!
Unfortunately, although I have the game and every single expansion, I, alas, have no-one to play with. It’s not so much people don’t like to hang out with me. Far from it, I am also socially engaged almost every night and weekend. It’s more a problem of people having their own gaming communities and not interested in joining mine or inviting me into theirs. I don’t mind though, I still have friends. It’s just the Joking Hazard box has gathered a lot of dust.
However, the good folks at PlayingCards.IO have come to the rescue. You can now visit my personal Joking Hazard game space and play a game with me. The board is set. Who will win the next round?
Joking Hazard Online. Player 1 won this round. Will you win the next?
It’s no Global, Thermal, Nuclear War, but shall we play a game?
In this era of lockdowns, thanks to SARS-CoV-2, it feels like we can get a little stir crazy. Try to stay sane my friends and maybe go for a walk. But if you do go out, do it in style. It is, after all, May the Fourth and you know what that means?
I started this book the day I finished A Brief History of Everyone Who Ever Lived: The Human Story Retold Through Our Genes, and again it’s another book finished just in time. I can’t keep this up, though, as the next one is pretty long, I’m worried I wont finish it in time. Especially since I have an interview today and starting a new job will severely cut back on my reading time, especially if the commute is shorter.
The story of Koch is an interesting one. He’s a medical doctor who came out of nowhere to revolutionize the scientific method and usher in the age of the microbe. While most Americans know who Charles and the late David Koch are, Robert Koch is no relation and should not be seen in the same light, though ironically, as the chemist Louis Pasteur was Robert Koch’s greatest rival, it’s somewhat ironic the American Kochs of Dutch ancestry also got their start as chemists.
What’s most astounding, though, is how much hubris Koch built up and his animosity toward Pasteur. Was it pure one upmanship, or something deeper? It’s clear Koch resented the French given his upbringing in Prussia and the Franco-Prussian War. I can only speculate that had something to do with it.
It’s a pity because, after all, they were both adherents to germ theory. They both had their detractors in the Anti-Vaccine League and the groups opposed to animal cruelty. Even Florence Nightingale was allied against him and all of science. It’s a pity even today people have trouble understanding vaccines train the body so something worse doesn’t befall them because the body is prepared. They didn’t understand immunology then, or herd immunity, but today, what’s the excuse?
One other sad fact is, it seems, Tuberculin is the perfect vaccine against Consumption. It is, after all, the same basic substance that Pasteur and company used for his Anthrax and Rabies vaccines. There’s no reason Tuberculin shouldn’t have worked unless, Mycobacterium tuberculosis is a bacterium which defeats the immune system? Is it more like AIDS in that respect? Still, his trying to profit from it made the fact it didn’t work all the more disgraceful.
If one disgrace wasn’t bad enough, when Koch doubled down on the bovine tuberculosis not being the same as the human form, he only dug himself into a hole further. Surely, as he and his lab investigated Bacillus anthracis, they knew the same bacteria could have different forms throughout its productive cycle. Why couldn’t he see that the different shapes of Mycobacterium tuberculosis in cattle was the same as the form in humans and thus was a vector for transmission?
The book also gives the story of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, MD. How the two are connected in a pantomime of try-fail in trying to meet Koch only to write a scathing piece about the failed cure Tuberculin. Beyond that, the two had very little to do with each other and thus the book really stretched its mandate when it included Doyle with Koch.
Nonetheless, It was fascinating reading about Doyle and his caring for Touie while still maintaining another woman in the wings, always under chaperone. One wonders how Touie got Consumption but as it was common back then I don’t think its connection to the main theme of the book is sustained. Still, kind of interesting how Doyle prepared for Touie’s demise in the most pragmatically masculine way. I don’t know if I approve even with the maternal and sibling supervision.
It’s also interesting that Doyle gave up the rights to the first Sherlock Holmes story. And yet, he hated Holmes so much he had to kill him off after the second series of serials in The Strand. Also interesting that he only wrote four novels and that one was inspired as a competition between Doyle and Oscar Wylde. It’s wonderful, though, we got both and The Picture of Dorian Gray and The Hound of the Baskervilles for that bet.
It’s sad, though, that Doyle was so into spiritualism. And it’s also a pity that despite his belief in the Cottingley Fairies, the author never once mentions Harry Houdini‘s attempts to debunk the rampant fraud of the day.
One thing that was great to see was how William Gillette inspired Doyle to resurrect Holmes and give us more tales from 221B Baker Street. And it’s amazing how Gillette’s role gave us the deerstalker hat now so iconic and the “Elementary, dear Watson”, even though that never appears in Doyle’s writing. Gillette was indeed a fascinating man and it’s a pity he only rarely appeared in moving pictures. He did leave a fascinating legacy. Near where I grew up, in East Haddam, Connecticut, rests the castle that Gillette built. I’ve been there many times and it’s quite fun to see in person.
One last point I’d like to make is how cool it is that Koch’s colleagues and their families invented Agar Plates and Petri Dishes to grow bacteria. And, most of all, Koch was a microscopist in the tradition of Sir Frankie Crisp and was a pioneer of Microphotography. Even Sherlock Holmes, as conceived by Doyle, was a microscopist.
The Remedy: Robert Koch, Arthur Conan Doyle, and the Quest to Cure Tuberculosis
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